wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize