It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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