I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Found the puke drawer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
