I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
