Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
People in love make me want to vomit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
