Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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