): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
