My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
