hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
