I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
