I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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