Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
