i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
