It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
