Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
