I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
