my being single is dangerous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
