Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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