Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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