i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
