i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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