I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize