I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
