I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
