I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we're so committed to being not committed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
