I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize