This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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