Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
