I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
