Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
