can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
