I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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