Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
