Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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