This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
