better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
