Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
