I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
