You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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