I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
did i just pee glitter
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