She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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