This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
