after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
