You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
