i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
