Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
