Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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