I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just cropdusted the office
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
MIDGETS
????
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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