just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
