I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize