i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
