M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
