Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
