I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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