i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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