Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
