The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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