im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
