I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
