Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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