The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
