we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
