I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
